Five More Months

We close on our house in a week. It will take Eric and Whitney's house five months to be built from that point on. I am so looking forward to being in our new house and being away from the other drama. I really am. I know that Johnny and Corey have been a great deal of help to us in the last year but seriously, I need a break. I think my whole family needs a break. The things I am looking forward to most is not having to worry about every one else's problems so much but maybe I am fooling myself into thinking I will not worry. Maybe I will end up worrying more because I will worry about Johnny being able to make the monthly payments from month to month. The other things I am looking forward to is having a clean-ish house. I am going to work harder to keep our new house cleaner, particularly our bedroom, and all of the bathrooms. I do a pretty good job with the kitchen and Gracie's bedroom stays pretty clean. But the bathrooms are what lack the most here. There are three men living here and there is hardly any help keeping the bathrooms clean. Infact there is no help keeping them clean. I want clean bathrooms! I think that living in a rancher will help me as I will not have to worry about going up and down the stairs with vacuums and that sort of thing. Also most of our furniture will be new in the new house and that is helpful in motivating me to keep it clean. This is really stupid stuff but it matters to me.

The other thing I am going work hard on when we get in the new house is cooking at home. I am going to try very hard to cook every meal at home. I also want to have people at our home for dinner, especially on the weekends. Jeremy and I were talking about that over dinner tonight and that is something that Donna did not do. There was never any dinner guests in their house and I want that to be different. There has really not been any of that here in this house either but I want that to be different in this house as well. I want people to feel comfortable being at house for dinner and just hanging at our house. We are going to be trying to make this new church our home and I want to invite people over. I want to love people at our house. God, I want to honor you with what you have given us. Your blessings are many.

Up Early This Morning And I Feel Good

Sometimes when I am up this early, I am drowsy and groggy, like I should be sleeping, but not this morning. I feel awake, alert and ready to face the day. We have bible study this morning and I am excited about it. I am a little concerned about bringing just cut up fruit from Publix but its good breakfast I think. I think it will be fine! I am not excited about putting on clothes but that is because I have gained so much weight on my medicine and getting dressed is no fun! Its okay though and I will wear something, thats for sure.
I am not sure what the purpose from writing this particular post but I just felt like writing so here I am. I did want to let you know that we will be closing on the seventeenth of this month. Then we start the five month count down until we can move into our new house and thats exciting!! Although I have fallen in love with our current house, its just been such a challenge to walk up and down the stairs all day long and it has really impacted our lives in a negative way. Not to mention that this house is getting smaller and smaller by the day. But I do not want to pick apart this house piece by piece because this is our first house and it really was our first love. We have lived here the longest in all of our marriage and we would continue to live here if it weren't for the stairs and the space. We love the quirkiness of this house, yes, even the asymetrical rooms! I have spent numerous hours picking colors and themes for each one of these rooms and the furniture has been moved from one wall to another. We have laughed, cried, and laughed and cried at the same time between these walls and I am sure we will miss this house. But we are ready to move on and hopefully stay in the next house forever. We are happy with the neighborhood, the house itself is perfect and the sellers are our bestfriends who are desperately trying to move. It all makes sense that we would leave now and I hope it continues to go off without a problem.

So I tihnk I am about done this morning but it was good to just type it out a little. It is so therapeutic to just let your fingers roam about the keyboard and let your mind wide open. What an opportunity!!

Sadly Something out of the ordinary

God,

I have no idea where I am with you but it is surely not where I want to be with you. I do not want to give you an empty offering but this stuff with the bipolar has thrown me for a loop and I know it shouldn't have. I am sorry that I have been running from you since then but I didn't think I could come to you. God I still have a hunger for you. My life will never be satisfied without you in it. No house, no furniture, no child, no husband, no friend can take that place. No small body, no make up, nothing that I have tried to fill my God shaped hole will fill it but You. I am not close to you. I don't know where I am with YOu at all and it is breaking my heart. I have no business doing that bible study though when I am not anywhere near You. God hear me. You are Good. You are my creator. You are the only who can change our relationship so please do. Please transform my heart. Jeremy doesn't read your word and some days I don't know where any one in this house is with You. God please rescue us with a real love for You. You are the only one who can change the hearts in this house and I am praying mightily for that. Please God, rescue us!! We need You. If we are going to read your word and grow close to you, it will be You who will do that in us. This is us. We are filthy and self indulgent. We will try whatever it takes to be happy without you. We will cover it up in so many different terms and rationalizations but this is what it is. Its self reliance. I don't know what bipolar is God. I don't know whether its physiological or not. I don't know whether being a part of GCC is the right or wrong thing but that decision has been made. I hope it was the right one. I hope buying this new house is the right one but can we start from here? Can we go from here? Can you take me from here? If any of these decisions are wrong, then make them clear and they'll be different but God, you know how bad I want both of these. I want to start fresh now at a different church and in a different house. I am very concerned with getting up the stairs in this house and getting out from underneath it would be great. And its helping someone else and I don't think its wrong but what I think would be wrong would be to try to replace the need for you with the house. Thats not going to work. Ms. Kim says that I should turn this drowning feeling into praise to you. I can do that. I may feel far but at the top of this page is the word God. Eight or nine years ago, that would not have been the case. Thank you for constantly calling me back to you. Thank you for loving me all of the time. Thank you for never changing. I am always changing, emotion after emotion and you are not. You are always loving, you are always patient with us and I am so thankful for that. Nine years ago, I was just flying free but in such bondage to sin and didn't even know it. I would have never been praying to you tonight even if it weren't for you calling me to you. Thank you God. I want to live my life like I know what you did for me those many years ago though. I want a personal relationship with you. I don't want you to be so far off. You know God that Whitney is my best friend. She has been there through thick and thin. I would never dream of letting her go and not talking to her for a week in unheard of. Thats what I want with you. When I offend you, which will be easy to do because you're perfect, I want to immediately make it right and feel bad until I do. I want a real relationship with YOu. So I have to commit to reading your word and listening to you everyday, multiple times a day. Thats what I am going to do. Starting tonight. You have alot to say so its going to take me forever to listen and thats great!! I want to talk to you multiple times a day too. I am a big talker. God please forgive me for not talking to you more Please forgive me for offending you in ways that I don't remember. But please tell me so I can make it right with you so we can have an open relationship. I love You GOd and want to love You more!!

Annie

Philipians 1:6 -

We took the next step

Hopefully I will not get worked up again after typing this. Yesterday I did not do so well after we got back from the furniture store because I was just too excited. I think I almost threw up on myself. So let me tell you when we did.

We bought furniture for the new house! We actually did it and for the most part, we stuck to the plan. We didn't go to two stores like we had planned but once we got to Haverty's and started looking around, we felt the need to look else where. Plus with a three year old, one furniture store was plenty! So I told you we stuck to the plan and we did. Before we left I went to their website and picked out what I thought I wanted and we bought almost all of that. Well I say that, there were a couple of items that I could have gone either way on and I went the other way than what I had put in the online shopping cart. So let me cut to the chase! Instead of buying a couch and a love seat, we bought a cappuccino colored sectional and a merlot colored cocktail table. We also bought a media center to fit the far left wall. There will still be plenty of room for other pieces of furniture in this room. In the master bedroom, we bought the king size bed with the nightstand, and the rest of the room will be used for my art nook. I think thats the end of what we bought but its a lot.

All we have left is the bookcases is the guest/game room and eat in kitchen furniture! We will probably be done in about a year!! Stay tuned for more updates!!

Offer It Up

Last night, we had the Walkers over for dinner, Steak Out to be exact, and WE MADE AN OFFER on their house. The lender and the realtor say that it could be as early as two to three weeks and we should be closing on the house. I cannot believe that in less than a month from now we will be closing on our new house. Its a doozy too in a good way! Let me take you through the house, room by room. First, its a little over 1700 square feet. Thats about 300 more square feet than we have now in our house now. So, lets walk through the front door.

The foyer has tile flooring and there is room to put a bench and a mirror in the foyer. We will also be putting a coat rack there and turning the coat closet into a linen closet. So, you walk through the foyer and turn to the left and you are in the hall way with the two bedrooms and the hall bathroom. The first bedroom, which is now Selah's room, will be our guest/game room. We will also be storing Gracie's school stuff in there. I plan on putting a queen size bed in there with a night stand, three bookcases, and a game table for Jeremy's games. I think we will have plenty of room in there for all of that stuff.

The second bedroom, which is now Nolan's bedroom, will be Gracie's bedroom. Right now, his walls are painted grey and the side wall is painted a tone on tone stripe. We are going to paint her room in a light green. Her bedroom furniture will stay the same and her horse theme will remain. Infact, I don't think we will be adding any furniture to her room at all. Her room is pretty simple except for the painting.

The hall bathroom is pretty simple too. It is painted a light grey too but thats okay because it looks very crisp with all the white furniture and the white shower curtain. I am not sure what colors I will do for that room but maybe green and yellow?

Next, on the right of the foyer in the dining room. As it stands right now, we will be taking our rustic farm table and benches with us and putting them in the dining room. I will probably want to replace the light fixture but nothing else to that room. Later it would be nice to add a china cabinet to the dining room. Right now we are not going to be doing anything else with the dining room.

Right through the foyer is the great room. This room is painted a light blue and we will not be changing the color for now. But what will be changing is that we will be getting all new living room furniture. I am planning on getting a couch, a love seat, a coffee table, two end tables, and a media center. We will be keeping the drapes that are in there and the carpets are being cleaned and having a protectant put on them. I am not sure how all the furniture is going to work out but I would like to get all of that as I have never gotten all new living room furniture before. This is going to be the house we are in for the long haul so I hope we can get all the new furniture I want. I am going to be putting Gracie's picture over the mantel and getting a mantel clock and some sort of plant for the mantel.

To the left of the great room is the master bedroom and through the master bedroom is the master bathroom. We are going to be getting a new bed and a night stand for the bedroom. I would like to do dark furniture with a four poster bed. I would like to do a bulky type bed because the bedroom is very big. Its huge!! Next we will go on to the master bathroom, which I am most excited about. It is painted the color of the living room, a light sky blue. It has a double vanity, a garden tub, a separate shower, and a huge walk in closet. These are things Jeremy and I have always wanted in a house. I soak alot, almost every night so the garden tub is going to be wonderful for us. Jeremy has been wanting a separate shower for as long as we have been talking about a house and he is finally getting one!! Now, we are not going to be doing anything with the master bathroom except for decorating it with candles and such. No painting or anything else.

To the right of great room is the eat in kitchen, laundry room, and garage. The kitchen is tiled and is beautiful with maple cabinetry, and beautiful stone back splash. I am so excited about the appliances in the kitchen as well as the large pantry. I am not sure what we are going to do with the eat in kitchen right now. I would love to be able to put another table and chairs for us to have breakfast there and Gracie and I have to have our lunch. We are not going to be able to afford anything like that right now but we are going to put Sheldon, our bunny rabbit in the kitchen as he is a big mess!! We will be painting the kitchen at some point but I have no clue what color we would paint it right now. We will have to think long and hard about that and for now, we will leave it as is.

Next is the laundry room and the garage. Per our agreement, they are leaving their washer and dryer and I am sure Jeremy and I will be adding cabinets above the washer and dryer. Thats about it to that room and the garage is pretty simple. I am not sure if we are going to be able to park my van in there but its okay if not. It really is.

We are really excited about this house and pictures will follow once we get moved in. The only con to buying this house is once we close, which will be about a month, we have to wait five months to move in. Thats how long it will take for the Walkers new house to be built. Thats okay, its well worth the wait!!! Stay tuned for pictures!!

Not anything specific but some surprises

So I want to continue to blog even when I am not sure what to blog about. And there is alot going on, its just nerve racking because it could all fall through. I have to remember though if it falls through for whatever reason, its going to be okay. Okay so lets cut to the chase about it all.

Last Saturday, Jeremy and I went driving and looking at possible areas we would like to live the next time we buy a house. We were thinking it would still be about two years before we would be ready to sell our house. We just needed to get out of the house and looking at houses has been something fun we could do in the past so we gave it a shot. We did not find any house in particular that we were excited about, but we did find areas we would like to live, in well established neighborhoods. So, we get home and while Jeremy took Gracie to the play place, I talked to my dad on the phone about our discoveries. After trying to convince my dad he should rent our house from us, unsuccessfully so because my parents want a single story house. Although I was disappointed about that, he did come up with this idea that maybe Johnny and Corey could rent our house. When my dad said that, I immediately said YES! Of course, and I talked to Johnny about it. Much to my surprise, he totally went for it. He didn't know the details of what his rent would look like but he was excited about it. So, now that we had potential renters, we needed to see if we could find a house in our price range. At that very moment the casual conversation about houses took a turn for a more serious one. So, I am outside thinking about all of this and my friend's house pops into my head. Originally they had their house up for sale and Jeremy and I were not in a position to do anything about it, at ALL! Plus Jeremy did not like the layout of their house and I didn't like the idea of moving into Whitney's house because that would always be her house, whether we owned it or not. I thought I would always look at it as their house, not ours. But that night, I talked to Jeremy about it and he thought to himself for a bit and then agreed. The things that bothered both of us about the house were not bothering us at all, not even the slightest. After thinking about all of the amenitities of the house, we called Whitney. We were excited for us and for them because they are going to have to sell their house before they can build their dream house. They were currently not listing their house but they were thinking about putting it back on the market soon. However the last time the house was listed, it did not get any activity. So anyway, we called Eric and Whitney and after talking with them, we were more than convinced that this could actually work out for everyone.

Let me tell you more about this house. I am not sure of the square footage but I will tell you that it is a three bedroom, two bath house on a single story. It has a huge walk in closet, garden tub, and a separate shower. The sinks in both bathrooms are marble as well as the fireplace surround. It has a great sized dining room and the kitchen is an eat in kitchen. The living/great room are huge enough to entertain our family when we all get together. It also has the third bedroom that we currently do not have and it will be used for a study/guest bedroom. We will be able to accomodate Dad and Sherry when they come to visit as well as any other family members. Also, the third bedroom will act as a study/game room for Jeremy. In all of this, Jeremy's wish list was very short. He just wanted a room to kind of call his own and he wanted a one story home. The separate shower was something Jeremy wanted but would not have turned the house down if it didn't have that. Our biggest concern was the third bedroom and the single story. We are so tired of not having space and the stairs are killing us. All of the other stuff are bonuses. So, once we talked about everything this house offered us and knowing that Eric and Whitney were so excited about it as well, we moved on it. We talked to our realtor friend who put us on to a small lender that hopefully will be able to make our dreams come true. Jeremy will officially put in a loan application today and we will go from there. After we buy this house, we are going to have to wait five months before we can move in. While Eric and Whitney's house is being built, they will live in their old house and pay us rent for it. Meanwhile, we will be paying rent on this house until we can move out. I am so nervous about this. Talking to the realtor and Jeremy talking to the lender lastnight seems like this is really going to happen. OMG!!

The only other thing I am concerned about is that Johnny and Corey will be able to handle the bills here at our old house! Corey is currently without a job and if Johnny takes on the bills by himself, he will have nothing after he pays the bills. If he gets the promotion that he is up for, he will have one hundred dollars left over. That is still not alot but if Corey can help with the rent, that will give Johnny five hundred dollars left over, if he gets his one hundred dollar promotion. We can just pray that Johnny gets that promotion for so many reasons. We also need to pray Corey is able to find work as soon as he graduates highschool. He should graduate in two and a half months. We will not be able to move out for five months after Eric and Whitney start the building process. So I hope this all works out. I am cautiously optimistic about this. But honestly I cannot say that. I am over the moon excited about all of this and I just want it to all work out for everyone's best interest.

I am ready to pick out paint colors and living room furniture for the new house. I am ready to start packing the old house up and start making very small improvements so the house is ready for Johnny and Corey. I am ready for this to be done and over with. I will say this, once we close on the new house, I will feel much better. That could be as early as next month so I am over the moon about that. I just need to take this one step at a time. The next step is just the beginning application which is today. The lender gets in the office at 10 this morning. She will send Jeremy the application via email and he will fill it out and return it via email. It should not take long to get the results of that application then we are off to the next step. Hopefully by the end of this week, we will have made an official offer on the house. Hopefully Johnny will get his promotion and Corey will find a job.

How can this be? Are we really going through with this? Could it be that we are going to be in our new house in just a few short months? AHHHHH!!!!

Annie

Hmm...what can I REALLY say

Yesterday was very interesting. I had set out to lose weight and eat more healthy. That turned into this idea to dramatically cut down on the calories I was eating. That turned into a sudden urge to go run around my neighborhood, which I did. Then I got home, let everyone wake up and I jumped on the scale. Wop, Wop, Wop!! I actually weighed more than I had the night before and I was starving. Getting down to just 1200 calories is going to be a real issue for me as I have trained my body to want more food than it has in the past. I can put down alot more calories and its hard to reduce that by probably half. I ended up getting so frustrated that I ate how I wanted to which was bad. I had the three trailnut bars, a handful of chips, half a McDonalds's biscuit. For lunch, I had two ham and cheese sandwiches, fries, a coke, and then a cookies and cream hershey bar. For dinner, I had 4 steak grilled taquitos, more drink, and I think that was about it. I am not sure though!! I ate so much food yesterday that I felt bloated almost the whole day.

Today I hope to do better although it is not looking good. I have already had two nutrigrain bars and its only 5 o'clock. If I am going to eat better and lose weight, I have got to be willing to sacrifice, and I have to be find a way not to feel so dang hungry. I seriously feel hungry almost always. Like I could always eat and eat something big at that. I have found that milk has a filling affect. Maybe I should try drinking more of that to stave off the hunger.

Anyway, more things happened yesterday than just messing up my diet plan. My dad and I had this crazy idea. We are running out of space in this house with 5 people living here and the boys need their own space. Ding Ding Ding, they should rent our house from us. Not only that but since the Walkers are trying to sell their house at a price we can afford, why don't we buy theirs? Its still up in the air but its getting closer to being on the ground. Their house is beautiful, single story, plenty of room for our family with the third bedroom and its in a good neighborhood. What more could we ask for? Now, granted, this is not our dream house but it is definitely a house we could live in forever!! Yay! So, everyone is excited for all of this, we just have to make sure the numbers will work on paper and close on the Walker house. Let's get this party started, really!!! I really hope it all works out for everyone!

I am getting tired so I think I am going to have to go to bed. It has been a long day and waking up at 4 is not conducive to me eating less. In order to eat less, I am going to have to sleep and wake up when everyone else does. I hope I am able to keep my diet going right this day and not mess it up royally like I did today/yesterday!! Anyway, I am considering making this blog public so everyone can view it! We will see.

BMI- Body Mass Index

Currently I have BMI of 28.4? I think? I didn't mean to but exited out of the page that had my BMI calculation so I am going on memory alone. Either way, the number it gave me indicates that I am not obese, but definitely over weight so we need to change that. It also says that I can weigh between 107-145 lbs. I would like to get to about 125 lbs so that means I need to lost about 40 lbs and I think I can do that over time. I am going to have to do this gradually and build muscle while burning fat. So anyway, I just wanted to make sure I documented my BMI so I can go back and look at it later on. Thanks!!

SO...we are throwing another wrench into this thing

Okay so on top of wanting to look prettier by doing my hair and makeup every day, I also want to be healthier and weigh less. I have joined a gym, thanks to my beautiful husband who is willing to fit the bill for it. I begin on Monday with a personal trainer. We have not decided whether or not we are going to keep a personal trainer. One session comes free for those who join the gym and I am definitely taking her up on it. But anyway, the reason I am writing this blog post is because on top of exercising regularly, I am going to have to start eating better. One way to do that is to write down everything I have eaten or drank for the day, thus comes this post. Today I have eaten

3 fruit and nut bar and drank almost 20 fl. oz of water.=== 420 calories
150
210= 780 calories


Since I am waking up at 4-6 every morning, I guess that will be my breakfast. I am going to try hard not to eat anything else until 8 this morning and then that will either be a fruit or something equally nutritious. I am going to drink more water and cut out most of the caffine. I have decided that I can drink one cup of coffee in the morning to get some caffine but after that, no more!! On top of that, I am going to try to lay off of high sodium foods and not eat as much dairy or meat. If I have meat, it will need to be very lean meat. So that means, no going to McDonald's for breakfast, Hardees for lunch type thing. The only meal I am going to have to sacrifice on would be dinner. That is until I can get everyone eating the right foods at the right time. There will be no more sweets for me. I can live without sugar, what I can't live without is a better body image.

New hair style and makeup

This is a picture of my latest hairstyle and makeup. Today all I did was straighten all the hair including my bangs, and sweep my bangs to the far right side of my face. For makeup, I did a very natural look with the rest of the makeup and did black liner all around my eye.

I really do not have any inspiration for tomorrow so who know what I will do with it. I can look for inspiration but I am seriously not sure if I will do anything with the hair tomorrow!

Haircut and Highlights January 2012

These are some pictures of my new haircut and style with highlights. On Saturday, Nicole from Spoiled Rockin Kidz styled it after she gave me an amazing cut. On Sunday, I flipped all the layers out and pinned my bangs to the side. On Monday, I wore it straight and curled the ends under. And on Tuesday, today I curled it all in little loose curls.

Tomorrow I plan on washing, drying it and straightening it without any curl. With that look, I am going to be doing my makeup very naturally with black eye liner, a brown lid and some lip gloss. Well and of course, Mascara! Pics to come!!!

Okay so it has been a LOOOONG time since I blogged last

So I went to start a new blog on blogspot and found that I still had this one up and running, which is a good thing. Normally I would delete this blog and start fresh but I think its a good idea to just pick up where I left off and try to make this one something I can be proud of.

With that being said, there is alot of interesting things going on in our lives right now. Jeremy switched jobs and is doing great. Gracie just turned three and boy oh boy, has it been a roller coaster or what! She is doing great and some days she is doing better than great! I am thankful for my little girl.

Other news, my two brothers have moved in with us so we are now a 5 member family in a two bedroom house! It gets interesting but overall, it has been great as well. I have been recently diagnosed with Bipolar 1 disorder and that has been causing all kinds of up and down as the name hints to. I am up so high and then I drop down so low. Its okay today and at this moment, so lets be thankful.

So, every few months to years, I decide that I need a revamp, spiritually, physically or both. This month it is definitely both although I am working harder on the physical now. I have been interested in makeup and hair for quite some time but have just now got up the gumption to actually try some things myself. So I am! I recently got my hair cut into this cute little do with layers and blonde highlights, love it! I am also slowly but surely getting into makeup, meaning I am buying quality stuff and actually wearing it everyday. Along with that and along the same lines as the hair cut talk, I have been styling my hair differently each day. Today it was curls, pictures to come soon! I am overall just exercising the right to be more girly and have fun with colors. Nails are painted greenish blue as we speak and my toes are in check as well.

My major concern right now is how I am going to lose weight. Almost every woman I know has either just lost a significant amount of weight or wants to. I am one that wants to but how much yet, thats hard to say. I think I would like to join and gym and use the nervous energy I have with being bipolar for the good of my body. I also have an elevated appetite with the medicine that I am so I need to watch what I eat like whoa! (Yes I did say, like whoa)! Anyway, so I am going to be hopefully blogging on the struggle with losing the 25 lbs I need to lose and getting to a place I am most healthy at.

I hope that I will be able to and want to take the time to make this blog into something great. I will talk about spiritual issues as well but for now, its more about the physical. We did recently leave our church and are going to be visiting other churches soon. Not only that but I am going to be counseling with some ladies from our previous church about the biblical aspect to being bipolar as I know there is one. I have also started a new bible study at that church and we are going to be going through James through the perspective of a mom. I am excited about all of those things and look forward to blogging about it all. My eyes are starting to blur so blog time may be over at the moment. Stay tuned for more updates!